Time for another serious post..

"Oh, that marvel of conception as you stirred together
semen and ovum-
What a miracle of skin and bone,muscle and brain!
You gave me life itself, and incredible love.
You watched and guarded every breath I took.

But you never told me about this part."
Job 10:10-13 Message translation

I love the way that Job lets rip. He really just says it how it is right to God's face. His friends try to tell him 'the answers' but Job just says, "I don't know about any answers, I just know that this feels like crap, I don't like it, and God needs to know that."

I've just spent the last little while crying at God, telling him that the way he does things is stupid and that it would have been better if he'd never thought of us. I didn't use any of the "And Lord, Ijusreallywannapray" jargon or cliches and even found myself letting out a swear word. I know that God is OK with this, or else he wouldn't have let Job get in the Bible. I asked him all the 'whys' that have ever been in my head. I knew that there weren't going to be any answers, but also that it was good to ask.

Reading Job again reminded me that there is no answer to suffering. I especially want there to be an answer when my friends are suffering, because I want to be able to give it to them as a balm. I want to fix it and take it away. But the truth is, at the end of the day there is not any REASON for it. Kath will perennially be asking the same questions on her blog and talking about heaven. When she and I get together, there will always be some point in the day when we will ask each other the big questions, knowing that niether of us know the answer, but that it's good to ask.

God will always listen to me when I have these cyclical rants. He'll not drop The Answers down on a golden scroll carried by fat, ugly cherub babies (who ever decided that angels looked so repulsive?) and tell me to go forth and share it. But I'm assured that his silence does not mean indifference. He's not coldly saying "At the end of the day Stephanie, I'm God and you're not and that's that." Although that is true (and I'm grateful for it!). He also reminds me that he hasn't gone anywhere, he hasn't forgotten me, he's not gone deaf or blind, and he's not run out of COMPASSION. That's the thing, he actually gives a damn. So though I hate it, it's sort of OK that he doesn't tell me why, because I know that HE knows why, and so he must know why I can't know why. If you see what I mean?

What I'm trying to say is, that it's good to realise that no-one knows the answers, because if we did, we'd know that we'd got it wrong, because everything still sucks. But that still, it's good to ask.

Are You Branded? (Part 2)

Having seen this surreal coincidence on Kath's blog, I was shocked to discover that my own niece has chosen to try to EAT the corporate colours, (flanked by her auntie's favourite orange, naturally). Perhaps it is a prophetic suckle??

John Wesley Doll

I will not be blogging for a while, as I have been hospitalised, due to THIS.

The Answers

...for anyone that cares...

1. Rich Mullins 'Hard to Get'
2. Tricky 'Black Steel'
3. Ben Folds 'The Luckiest'
4. Bjork 'Alarm Call'
5. Damien Rice 'I Remember'
6. Eva Cassidy 'I Wish I was a Single Girl Again'
7. KT Tunstall 'Heal Over'
8. Paul Wellar 'You Do Something To Me'
9. The Smiths 'There is a Light that Never Goes Out'
10. Suzanne Vega 'Gypsy'

Horrible

I was just about to get into my car when I heard a woman from one of the flats in my building yelling. I looked up and she was holding a baby, must have been about 6 months to a year, I don't know much about these things. She was yelling: "She's going to die! She's going to die! She can't breathe!" There were people all around her, making phonecalls, trying to reassure her. The child was limp and grey, I'm sure she was already dead. I called up and offered to drive her to a hospital. I didn't know what else I could do, I wanted to do something, but there was nothing I could offer her. She didn't need my help, an ambulance was already on its way.

I left with a horrible sense that I had just brushed the fringe of the birth of someone's tradgedy. I had witnessed the panicked beginnings of some horrific grief that I can't even begin to imagine. It seemed so wierd that something so monumentally tragic could have just happened in the building where I live. And that things like that are probably happening around me all the time. There are stories like that behind many of the lights I see in the windows of tower blocks around Peckham.

It just occured to me that it's absolutely right to pray for the hastening of Jesus' return. I used to flinch from praying that, because I didn't want him to come back before the people I love know him. And whilst I still feel the pain of that fear, I've realised how selfish it is not to want Jesus to return soon. It's tantamount to saying that I want things like what I witnessed today to continue; that I want horrible things like death and suffering to carry on a little while longer, until I get my affairs sorted.

Someone asked me last week, what I like best about being a Christian. My answer was, that I can be sure that there will be an end to all this. That this is not all that there is. That we won't always have to live in a world where I can look up and see a grieving mother holding a dead baby. That God sees and weeps and cares about things like this, and has promised to come back and clean up the mess. That he will one day take me home to a place where all this CRAP is gone forever, and there will finally be a day when he will say 'enough!' I understand fully now, why Christians pray for this day to come soon.....

Clues

OK, so the quiz is impossible. I knew the answers! I've decided to give you some cryptic clues to help you. I know it's possible with these because nayf managed to solve it.

1. Ragamuffin plays dating game
2. Difficult. Dark swag
3. This man likes origami. And rabbit's feet
4. Wake up frozen food lover!
5. This one's easy, you don't need a clue
6. DAISY CAVES regrets wedlock
7. Initially, this Scot has a nasty scab
8. This man was once fond of marmalade? He's forgotten what you do
9. These Joe Bloggs' talk about an eternal flame
10. A lady who once haunted your local diner, has a travelling friend

Good luck!

Hooray! A Pop Quiz!

A friend asked me to make her a CD so that she could see what kind of music I like. What a glorious commission! Of course I made her 3 volumes. The first and 3rd are themed but the middle one is completely miscellaneous. I made her detailed sleeve notes. See if you can guess the song and artist from the descriptions I used. If I were you, I would be so excited by this, but alas, I can't join in!!

Tip: If you are a hardcore OddBabblings fan, you may find some clues to some of them in early posts....

1.)This is possibly the only Christian song I know that actually talks about what it's like to be a Christian. Or at least, what it's like to be OddBabble. I think this song is amazing, so honest and real. It's how I feel most of the time.

2.)Mmmm, this song is yum. It reminds me of being at Uni in my first year. If anyone comes into your flat while this is playing, they will think you are instantly cooler and more desirable, just from the ambiance you have created.

3.)BLANK is BLANK FRIEND's all time far and away favourite singer. This song is COMPLETELY a-typical of him. He's usual very cool. This is my favourite song of his though for the very reason that it isn't, it's just unashamedly sentimental, cos he really loves his lady. It appeals to my soppy side (which is about 98% of me.)

4.)I had to put a BLANK one on! This is my favourite BLANK song, it's so happy and optimistic! I love the line "I'm no ******* Buddhist, but this is enlightenment" and the detail of remembering to bring good batteries with her to the mountaintop.

5.)I know you say you hate BLANK, but I just can't accept that. Listen woman! This one in particular is AMAZING, because it's like a mini opera - it has scenes and plot and passion and, and listen to it, it's gorgeous! "Want you here tonight, want you here" Can you be so unfeeling?? If nothing else, you can enjoy the thought of BLANK FRIEND and I playing this together, with her hitting her bongos harder and harder and me screaming in the scary half "I whip myself SCORN SCORN SCORN!!"

6.)If I ever get married, I'm going to sing this to my husband.

7.)This is my favourite song of hers. It's one of those songs which in concept, is exactly like a song I wrote, but much better. I heard it after writing mine, and thought "THAT was what I meant to say!"

8.)The acoustic album that this comes from is the reason that I picked up the guitar again a few years ago. I am DEVOTED to the acoustic guitar (you may have noticed quite a lot of it appearing in the songs I like!) and he sure knows how to wield his axe! This song is just gorgeous. I can play it, but it sounds a bit weird when girls sing it.

9.)I just LOVE BLANK's lyrics! He says all the things I think but don't say out loud too often, because I don't want people to know how cynical I really am. He just doesn't care. I love the fact that such misery is set to such a subversively jolly tune too. I think he's a genius. This is the song that made me love BLANK - the first one I ever heard. I love the idea that you can make suicidal feelings romantic. Oh dear, I think I'm revealing a bit too much of my dark side...

10.)This needs no explaination, it's just gorgeous.

Enjoy guessing! Kath, you are not allowed to guess until some others have had a go. I know you'll be able to work most of them out! After a while I'll allow you to try!

The prize is a 'Believe' Mars Bar, cos we all know that eating a sugary snack high in saturated fats is going to help a load of boys kick a ball into a net. There will be 2 winners, Kath and whoever comes second.