Sunday, 23 July 2006

Time for another serious post..

"Oh, that marvel of conception as you stirred together
semen and ovum-
What a miracle of skin and bone,muscle and brain!
You gave me life itself, and incredible love.
You watched and guarded every breath I took.

But you never told me about this part."
Job 10:10-13 Message translation

I love the way that Job lets rip. He really just says it how it is right to God's face. His friends try to tell him 'the answers' but Job just says, "I don't know about any answers, I just know that this feels like crap, I don't like it, and God needs to know that."

I've just spent the last little while crying at God, telling him that the way he does things is stupid and that it would have been better if he'd never thought of us. I didn't use any of the "And Lord, Ijusreallywannapray" jargon or cliches and even found myself letting out a swear word. I know that God is OK with this, or else he wouldn't have let Job get in the Bible. I asked him all the 'whys' that have ever been in my head. I knew that there weren't going to be any answers, but also that it was good to ask.

Reading Job again reminded me that there is no answer to suffering. I especially want there to be an answer when my friends are suffering, because I want to be able to give it to them as a balm. I want to fix it and take it away. But the truth is, at the end of the day there is not any REASON for it. Kath will perennially be asking the same questions on her blog and talking about heaven. When she and I get together, there will always be some point in the day when we will ask each other the big questions, knowing that niether of us know the answer, but that it's good to ask.

God will always listen to me when I have these cyclical rants. He'll not drop The Answers down on a golden scroll carried by fat, ugly cherub babies (who ever decided that angels looked so repulsive?) and tell me to go forth and share it. But I'm assured that his silence does not mean indifference. He's not coldly saying "At the end of the day Stephanie, I'm God and you're not and that's that." Although that is true (and I'm grateful for it!). He also reminds me that he hasn't gone anywhere, he hasn't forgotten me, he's not gone deaf or blind, and he's not run out of COMPASSION. That's the thing, he actually gives a damn. So though I hate it, it's sort of OK that he doesn't tell me why, because I know that HE knows why, and so he must know why I can't know why. If you see what I mean?

What I'm trying to say is, that it's good to realise that no-one knows the answers, because if we did, we'd know that we'd got it wrong, because everything still sucks. But that still, it's good to ask.

1 comment:

OddBabble said...

Amen to that Barney! Funnily enough I had a really similar experience today. After a lot of crying about the pain of life I picked up this Christian book about love with a smug looking family on the back (always a bad idea!) and it was full of 'life will be rosy if you just do this...' and 'answers' which quite frankly didn't scratch anywhere near where I was itching. So I thought 'Bobbins to that' (or words to that effect!), threw it on the floor and picked up my Bible. I had a look through at Job, Ezekiel and other interesting characters who know all about real life and real struggles and who also know the real God who is bigger than all that. Life's complicated, messy, excrutiatingly painful and just plain crap at times, but I'm glad that I know a God who doesn't try and 'explain away' suffering but instead bottles my tears, listens to my ranting with compassion and never leaves me even when I can't stand to be with myself. And he's the only one who is able to promise that there WILL be an end to all the pain. Amen to that!

By Anne Witton, at Sun Jul 23, 08:33:00 PM 2006

Amen. great post.x

By -bb-, at Sun Jul 23, 09:08:00 PM 2006

I love you. And I love that there are people out in this world who know the reality and who don't hide it. Here's to shouting out in the rain, knowing that at least we are shouting to someone. And here's to randomly writing this in a cafe in Bulgaria with Iron Madien on in the background, can I come home yet?

By Kath, at Thu Jul 27, 12:50:00 PM 2006

great post, Roy! have just returned home from what is always the highlight of the summer a.k.a. Bredon, and am uploading photos and such. so according to your will, i have left you my link in order to be initiated into your blogging circle. (I think the pretentious adjective we chose was 'Bohemian' but then we were distracted by a certain song about man-boobs...)

By susie t, at Thu Aug 10, 07:34:00 PM 2006