Saturday, 4 July 2009

Some Stupid Things I've Done Recently

Stupid Thing #1 - Revealing Too Much Too Soon

I was at a training day recently, and had lunch with a stranger who had been my partner in one of the morning exercises. My first mistake was this:

Lunch Companion: That's my bike there.
Me/Total Freak Wierdo: Oh right. What's it's name?
LC: doesn't have a name.

I should have stopped here but..:

M/TFW: Mine's called Lola.

I had managed to recover a little after this, talking about normal things and not revealing any further my habit of personifying inanimate objects, but then two little beetles crawled onto my arm - we were eating our lunch outside:

M/TFW: Oh look! They're crawling up my arm!
LC: Yes, they like you don't they. (Note how her tone has begun to change to one usually reserved for children or the unstable).
M/TFW: They do, and I like them too.
LC: I'm a nature lover too. I was watching an ant crawl up my arm the other day...
M/TFW: Oh! oh! Oh! I LOVE ants! I have ants as pets. They're the most amazing creatures ever. Look, I've got an ant badge on my bag. I love watching them go about their business. The other day I was watching one and she was having a chat with another one...

I won't go on. I could hear myself and wanted to stop, but somehow I couldn't. She excused herself shortly after this. Note to self: at least try to pretend that you are a socially acceptable person during the first hour of meeting someone.

Stupid Thing #2 - Exaggerated Startle Reflex

I walked out onto my balcony and yelped when I saw that someone else was on my 1 metre by one metre outside space. It was my own reflection in the window.

Stupid Thing #3 - Paying Someone £92 for 3 Second's Work

I called in an electrician. Next time I'll flip the switch myself.

Stupid Thing #4 - Wearing a Skirt on a Bicycle

It was hot. Not hot enough however, to have the hem of my skirt tickling my nostrils, and revealing to Central London my black girl boxers covered in bees with Bee Mine written around the top (I know. Sexy.).

Stupid Thing #5 - Delayed Homeward Journey

I got on the bus on the wrong side of the road and got a hot sweaty lift to a place further away from my destination than I had begun.

Stupid Thing #6 - Over Enthusiastic Hugging

My friend came over and I ran out to hug her, swearing loudly in her ear as the door slammed behind me leaving my keys and my mobile on the other side.

How I've managed to hold down a job and not get arrested for anything so far is beyond me.