Wednesday, 20 February 2008


Up until now, I have always had a job which requires me to work mainly from home at quite random hours wearing whatever I like. For the first time, I now have to go to an office in smart clothes at the same time every day. I am still excited by this! I feel like part of the Real World. Since this is my blog and I can write what I like even if it's dull as dishwater, I am going dedicate a little moment or two, just to enjoy that routine.

Every day my radio alarm goes off at 6:45 for half an hour, allowing me to gently rise to consciousness. Each morning I listen to the presenters wondering what they look like, and decide I will stay in bed for 'just one more song'. When the alarm switches itself off, I switch the radio back on again for 'just one more song'. I will do this until they play Take That (which they do every day) when I am forced out of bed to save my ears.

I will then switch the shower on to warm up the water while I use the loo. Every morning I will forget that the seat is broken and I will suddenly slip to my left involuntarily exclaiming "WOO!" as I remember. I will look at the new seat to the left of the loo, wondering why I havn't fitted it yet, until I remember how much I love hearing guests involuntarily exclaim "WOO!", and I forget all about it again. I get into the shower for exactly 5 minutes minus loo time, because that is how long my crap shower will allow me hot water, thus I wish to avoid involuntarily exclaiming "GAAHH!!" as I am showered with icy water.

I put on my smart clothes, and consider putting my hair in plaits to avoid potential wildness. I conclude plaits are not appropriate so let nature do its random thing, not caring a fig.

As I leave the house, I switch on Ruby and have the daily dilema of whether to listen to the Willow Creek podcast, which will be edifying and spiritually enriching, or whether to listen to sweet, sweet music. It varies from day to day whether I select the aural equivalent of bran flakes or sugar puffs.

Depending on how many times I chose to stay in bed for 'just one more song' I will get a different bus with different collections of routine characters. If I am on time, the bus will be packed and will be driven by Angry Bus Driver. He will always shout at someone for something at every stop. Once he shouted at me. Invariably he will refuse to drive off until everyone complies with whatever he is angry about, so sometimes he makes everyone else on the bus angry too because he makes us all late. Perhaps that's why I never leave the flat on time.

If I am a few minutes late I will get on the bus which has Sleeping Fat Woman on it. She is always in the same seat (or, one and a quarter seats actually) always alseep, and always makes 'You're the One for Me, Fatty' by the Smiths come into my head for the duration of the journey. Now I think about it, I hope Sleeping Fat Woman is not in fact Dead Fat Woman....perhaps I should poke her tomorrow morning. Also on this bus is Fat Rick Astley. He is not Actual Rick Astley because he is not ginger enough. He is usually asleep too, which allows me to stare at him wondering what Actual Rick Astley is doing right now. Perhaps he is now behind the scenes in the music industry, or perhaps he is a generic person in an office, where each new employee exclaims "Hey, isn't that 80s Pop Legend Rick Astley?!" to which his colleagues reply in a bored and resigned way "Yeah" because Actual Rick Astley is actually just like the rest of us, and he refuses to sing 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on demand.

I get off the bus at the Guardian offices and think to myself "I must find out if you can still get hold of those Greek Myth booklets they gave away" and then instantly forget again. I look at my watch to do the impossible maths required for getting to work on time (10 minute walk in 4 minutes, or minus 6 minutes etc.). I arrive sweating and breathless saying to my colleague "Morning Emmanuel!" "Morning OddBabble" he replies, looking at his watch to see how many minutes late I am. "Sorry I'm late" I say. "You'll be alright" he replies with a laid back smile, which I return.

And thus, the day begins.