Thursday, 23 March 2006

OddBabble's Strange Dreamworld #3

Originally posted 23/03/06

So it's moving day, and I'm walking into my new flat....and there is a strange young man with a beard in there.
"Who are you?"
"Oh, sorry, Chris said you were moving in today"
As I think to myself "who the heck is Chris?" he gestures to the glass door and, sure enough, there is 'Chris', with several of his friends, laughing around a table. As I look, several other people are filing in behind me.
"Have you come to help me unpack?" I ask. They laugh as they exhibit all of the cultural characteristics of 'having a party'.
"Fine" I think, and leave them to it, walking into a room to find one of my 'guests' has sliced open a huge tube of brown acrylic paint with a knife and is...."d...don't y...ou're.....t...TREADING IT INTO MY NEW BEIGE CARPET!"
It's too late. "Fine" I think "it'll come out with some sort of solvent.....or something."
I go into my new kitchen. Great! People are unpacking boxes for me!....and...putting everything into completely illogical places where I will never find them again...I go into my study (study! If only!) Hey! There's Anna, great! Oh, but she looks a bit moody.
"You're just constantly drunk."
"What?! I'm not drunk! I just drove here!"
"I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." She says as she walks out of the room superciliously.
I decide to lock myself into an empty room. I look out of the window. I turn around again and find that the door has been forced open by.....a massive group of pentecostals who have come to have their meeting here! What?!"Fine" I think, as I go and find my bedroom. But I hadn't realised before that all of the flats were ajoined by internal doors. Every door I open leads me to someone else's flat. Now I can't even find my own flat again! All I want to do is lie down in a quiet room......I believe this is an example of what psychologists call an 'anxiety dream'.

Monday, 20 March 2006

It's funny how you can plan something for a long time, fully expecting it to happen, but when it does, it comes as a complete shock.
I have known since January that Anna and I would be moving to separate places, but a few things happened in the last few days that have made it actually REAL, and it makes my tummy go a bit funny.
Yesterday I went to my last morning service at church in Wimbledon. I've known that that day would come, but actually, that really does mean that I don't go to that church anymore. It feels like I've left my family behind, and in a way I guess I have.
Yesterday I also started putting my belongings into boxes. That means I won't live here anymore. In some ways that delights me, because this flat is an ancient icebox and something falls off into my hands virtually everytime I switch on a light or open a door. I also got an electricity bill this morning for £774.14 and the house is STILL freezing! I won't miss that...
But I will miss Anna. We realised that from Thursday of this week, we won't live together anymore. After nine and a half years. That's a long time! That's longer than I've been able to drive. That's longer than mobile phones have been in common use. That's longer than Labour have been in government. That's longer than I have known the Lord.
I can't get my little brain around it and it's making me a little bit weepy. I'm a little bit frightened if I'm honest. I can't imagine not living with the person who first told me the gospel, first read the Bible with me, watched me struggle and fail to fit into the Christian mould, played endless games of monopoly with me instead of studying for our degrees, danced to dreadful cheesy music every Wednesday night at Uni, followed the careers of the Spice Girls and mourned with me on the day when Geri made 'that announcement', made me laugh so much I vomited, invited me into the UCCF family, sang me weird lullabies about bleeding horses (!), spontaneously danced toLatin music while our dinners got cold, moaned at me for my incurable messiness, sang tuneless duets from musicals, wearily humoured my stubborn belief that my soft toys are really my children, shared a takeaway (2 chicken kormas, pilau rice, peshwari naan and cheap white wine) and a DVD after every conference (and there have been MANY), shared a fish & chips dinner after every job or promotion, told me excitedly about sporting victories that mean nothing whatsoever to me, ridden to hospital in the middle of the night, grunted in the morning before the caffeine kicked in, seen the worst of my sin and selfishness and put up with it all the same, stuck by me while I made a mess of my life, saw me discover real joy when I picked myself up again, and reminded me when I needed to know it, that the gospel she first told me, is still true.
OK, I'm not 'a little bit weepy' anymore, I have snot all over my face and have got through half a toilet roll.

Sunday, 12 March 2006

House-Warming List

After my ‘Anti-Wedding List’ post, lots of people said I should go for it….so I have! I’ll give it a slightly more positive spin and give it the more traditional name ‘House-Warming List’. I know I’m a pikey for asking for stuff, but you know, mortgages are expensive things! I’m going to have to make some lifestyle changes as a result such as never buying anything ever again, and replacing luxury foods like butter for its cheaper sibling ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Petroleum By-product! TM’.

When someone tells me they want to get something, it will appear in RED, just like that! So move fast if you would like to snap up an item for LESS THAN ONE POUND STERLING!! No-one wants to be left with the fridge-freezer now, do they?

A lot of people are saying they would rather peel themselves than go to Ikea, so if you would like to either give me money towards a gift or buy me the same kind of thing from elsewhere, I'm happy with that too! (Except the TV stand, I really like that particular one.)

If in doubt, my favourite colours are orange, red, bright pink and yellow or any garish combination of the above. So any item that gives you a headache when you look at it should make me happy.

Metal Bread Bin (pref in a crazy colour)
Kitchen Bin
Large blank canvas
Double bed bedding

IKEA CHARM Pizza Cutter £0.79*15673

IKEA CHARM Peeler £0.79*15673

IKEA TROJKA Household Scissors £0.99*15673

IKEA RATIONELL Plastic Bag Dispenser £1.25*15733*16281

IKEA FIGUR Wine Stopper £1.49*16028*16222

IKEA CHARM Garlic Press £1.59*15673

IKEA HEJSAN Wine Glass 6 Pack £1.69*15820

IKEA Bobbi Snuur Red/Orange Cushion £2.99 x2*15824*15840

IKEA KOLIBRI Frame Set of 5 £2.99 X Loads*15705*15709

IKEA CHARM Grater 2 Pack £3.49*15673

IKEA Cooks Knife £3.99*15675

IKEA STRIB Oven Mitt £4.59 X2*15832*16067

IKEA PYRA Wok £4.99*15679

IKEA Orrskar Floor Decking £5.99*16068*16070

IKEA Nyattja Coloured Frames £5.99 X Loads*15705*15709

ARGOS Starter Mop & Bucket Set £8.99

IKEA Kolja Mirror £9.99*16264*16074

IKEA Frying Pan £10.99*16233

HOMEBASE Chrome Circular Shower Rail £12.99$cip=37051%3eC$cip=37061&categoryId=37061

ARGOS Red lampshades £12.99 X3

ARGOS Sabichi 9 bottle aluminium wine rack £14.99

IKEA Bathroom Wall Cabinet £16.90

IKEA Chest of Drawers with 2 drawers*16253&productId=53344

ARGOS Modular Rail Storage Set £17.99

ARGOS Toilet Roll Holder and Toilet Brush Set £18.99

HOMEBASE Slimline Chrome/Seagrass Storage Tower £19.97$cip=37051>C$cip=37057&categoryId=37057

ARGOS DVD Player £19.99

ARGOS Cookworks White Manual Microwave £24.45

SPLASHDIRECT Rainbow Flag Shower Curtain £30.97

IKEA ILEN Trolley Table/TV Bench £34*15797*15800

ARGOS 2 Drawer, tall, wide, extra deep bookcase (beech) £49.99

IKEA KLIPAN Sofa Orange £145.00*15770*15944

Friday, 10 March 2006

Monday, 6 March 2006

Ga ga

I spent the day with my niece today. We chatted. At first she appears to be saying; "bah! Dabudaba! Ngggg. Nga. Shlu." After a while though, my ear became attuned to what she was actually saying. She was in fact telling me about her day. "There was poo in my nappy! It was all coming out, and in my nappy! So much poo! Yellow poo! And there were sounds, and....the....b...zzzzzzzzzzz..............I had milk! Lots and lots of milk! It was so nice! Then I did a poo! And, and A WHITE THING! There's a white thing over there! It's amazing! I want to"She's so great.