Sunday, 2 March 2008

What I Have Learned So Far...

...on my esteemed MSc Course.
Humanistic/Person-Centred Counselling:
Counsellor: Hi Bob, welcome to our session. This time is yours, use it for whatever you need.
Client: Thanks. I'm feeling really low at the moment.
Counsellor: Mmmm.
Client: Yeah, I'm just feeling pretty sad a lot really.
Counsellor: Mmmm. You're feeling sad.
Client: That's right.
Counsellor: Mmmm. It's OK to feel sad Bob. Let's explore how it feels right now for you to be feeling sad right now.Etc. etc.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:
Counsellor: Hi. What's the problem?
Client: Um, I'm feeling really low at the moment.
Counsellor: On a scale of 1 to 10, exactly how low would you say you were feeling?
Client: Um, I guess, a 9?
Counsellor: Right. By the end of the week I want you to get that down to an 8. Here is an exercise: Next time you find yourself feeling sad, give yourself a little slap and say "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER BOB!".
Client: Um...
Counsellor: Trust me, this stuff really works.
Client: But I...
Counsellor: Sorry, times up.
Psychodynamic psychotherapy:
Counsellor: Hi Bob, I notice you chose to wear blue today. Interesting.
Client: Well, it's funny you should say that. I'm feeling quite blue.
Counsellor: Interesting.
Client: Yes, I'm really quite unhappy.
Counsellor: I notice you used the word unhappy there.
Client: Yes.
Counsellor: It's interesting you should choose that word, or rather, that that word should choose you. You see, the word 'unhappy' is an anagram of the word pypahun.
Client: I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow...
Counsellor: Pypahun is an ancient word from yore, which has many meanings, but principally it describes someone who wishes to have sex with a family member.
Client: Oh...
Counsellor: It's clear from the way you are sitting that you have been fantasizing about your mother.
Client: Oh!
Counsellor: You are telling me you are unhappy but really you are communicating through the transference and countertransference, a repressed sexual desire which is linked to the way that your father looked at you when you were being potty trained...etc. etc.
*Disclaimer:May I point out that I am using the tool of caricature, and I am not trying to discredit my own future profession (well, maybe the psychodynamic bit). I would also like to point out that in my previous post I was using the tool of comedic licence, and I am not in fact late every day. This is just in case any potential employers, or reference writers, or lecturers should stumble across any of this. That is all.

1 comment:

OddBabble said...
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