Thursday, 15 February 2007

OddBabble's Strange Dreamworld #5

So I'm a man and I'm heavily pregnant.
I am on my way to have a caesarean, presumably to prevent the baby from coming out of some unimaginable orifice.
It's a local anaesthetic, but I don't have the luxury of one of those merciful green screens to stop me from being able to view the internal contents of my own body. Thus I am conversing furiously with my 'birthing partners' (Witsy & B) demanding that they 'ASKMEANOTHERQUESTIONASKMEANOTHERQUESTION' the moment a silence lapses, since I know if I don't keep talking I will......look down.After a suprisingly short time I am cautiously standing up (still not wanting to look down, as i had a nasty feeling they'd forgotten to sew me up again) and the midwife comes over and says; 'here's your baby'.
I look, puzzled, into the black bucket full of blood and fat. "Where?" I ask."There." She says. As I look closer I can see a tiny, foetus sized creature with a hideously disproportionately large head which looks as if it is made of glittery suede.
You'd think I'd be disgusted but it has such a beautiful, serene, knowingly content smile on its face that I know I'm going to be the most loving daddy in all the world.

Sorry. Even I feel a little bit queasy now.

1 comment:

OddBabble said...

Ew i dont know whether the laugh hysterically or puke...wot a weird feeling i am expereincing right now in my insides...ew...

By becci brown, at Thu Feb 15, 10:26:00 AM 2007

dude, you need to stop eating cheese

By Sarah, at Thu Feb 15, 03:03:00 PM 2007


By Nathan, at Thu Feb 15, 04:28:00 PM 2007

That's gross!! I hope it was in no way prophetic because helping you give birth to an alien isn't on my list of things to do before I die.

By Anne Witton, at Sun Feb 18, 12:38:00 PM 2007